the clear air

The Restroom Strategy by Rose Y. Adams

One of my friends has a brother who is a playwright. One of his plays opened on Broadway.  I had an opportunity to go. One of the actors in the play was a dancer, one of my favorites.

Before the show, we went to this well-known Italian restaurant. I am allergic to eggs and milk. However, I loaded up on egg pasta. It was so good. I decided to drink lots of water to clear my system and delay and/or prevent the onslaught of an allergic reaction. I gulped down the water, glass after glass. Why didn’t I think of just taking a Benadryl?

We got to the Virginia Theatre on West 52^nd Street (now called The August Wilson Theatre). We had orchestra seats. My seat was three away from the aisle. My brother sat to my left. We were enjoying the show. All of a sudden, I had to go to the restroom. The water was taking effect. Ugh!!! It was prior to intermission and I couldn’t walk out just yet. The dancer was doing this wonderful solo. However, it was taking forever. I leaned over to my brother and said, “I’ve really got to go.” He said, “You’ve got to wait for intermission.” With warlike precision, I planned my restroom strategy. I scoped out the theatre with strategic laser focus. There were no side exits. The exits were to the rear of the theatre. In this instance, having orchestra seats was not an advantage. The people in the rear would be the first out. The ladies restroom lines at a theatre performance are usually long during intermission. I couldn’t afford that. I had to be ready.

I will never forget. I wore an Espirit mini-dress. The skirt part was purple taffeta. The bodice was black, scooped neck, long-sleeved, like a leotard. The dancer was nearing the end of his solo. I got in superhero mode.  I leaned forward and stretched out my right leg. He finished. The lights went down as they did, I’d leaped over the three people to my right. By the time the lights came up, I was already near the top aisles. My brother said he looked back and cheered “Gone or Go on Rose” before realizing he had better go too. He jumped up. By then, I’d reached my destination, the Ladies Restroom.” I was the very first one in the restroom, VICTORY!!!! I burst through the stall door like a linebacker. Relief!!!!! I made it.