the clear air

He really is that guy. He is handsome, has a little change (maybe a lot), adores and takes care of his mother, less fortunate relatives and his children (mostly daughters). He is a former all American apple pie eating athlete, now present day business man. The timbre of his voice is deep and low. He is kind and compassionate, but I would feel for any man who crosses him. He is a warrior and protector. He has dual degrees, one is an actual MBA and the other is a masters in street.  He calls my mother mom and my aunts aunt. My cousin once said, “That thing is charming.” My 90-year-old aunt once showed him off to her neighbor in her retirement home. She thought he looked like the neighbor’s grandson. He is confident, direct (doesn’t beat around the bush) and unpretentious. He weathers tragedy and disappointing events well. He has had his share. He once gave me a gift that was so beautiful; it made me cry. When I get mad at him and kick him to the curb, he gives me space. Then when I pick him up again he acts like it didn’t happen or says, “I don’t care what you do or say, I am your friend forever.” I believe him. We support each other. He has read just about every one of my stories and encourages me in whatever I want to do. Although extremely busy, he gets my krewe stuff and keeps it until I can get to town. He attends my parade. My krewe mates wonder who or what he is to me. I let them wonder but he is just a friend, one of the best. Ok, ok one more thing. I have seen my dog actually back away from people I’ve brought home. However, my dog runs up to play with him and whines when we won’t allow it. This says a lot. He is really that guy and a bag of chips.

So he called me all excited to wish me happy birthday, a day late. I was like, “It was yesterday.” I had been dragging for him too. Even though, I can never remember his birthday either. I just know it is the first week of his birth month. He sang Happy Birthday. We continued our conversation.  He was in such a good mood, flattered like. It wasn’t because of my birthday either. He said, “Guess what!” I said, “What?” He said, “This lady I know asked me to meet her for dinner. Then we went to the airport. You know, the one I fly out of (meaning where he actually flies a plane).” I said, “Yeah.” He continued, “She has me to board a jet.” I said, “She rolls like that?” He ignored me and continued, “While we are in the air, she proposes. She asked me to marry her.” She had a ring and everything. I was like, “Really! Well, what did you say?” He said, “I told her, ‘Baby, I can’t do it. I just can’t do it.’” I said, “Really?” He said, “You know me. I wouldn’t string her along.” I said, ” Yeah, I know.” Now, the needle scratches across the LP here. Then, I said, “Hey, wait a minute. When did men become THE PRIZE?”

I thought about something a former coworker once said. She was married. Her husband came to work once for some reason. He was tall, handsome and fine. Furthermore, it was obvious that he loved her down to her dirty draws. I don’t remember if someone asked her how did she find him or what. However, I do  recall her saying that “The Lord said, ‘A man who finds a wife finds a good thing…’ This means my husband found me not the other way around. He was engaged someone else and found me. When I agreed to marry him, I saved him too.” She saw herself as THE PRIZE.

Coincidentally, me and one of my uncles were recently discussing the relationship dynamics within our own family. Some of the women were reserved and waited on the men. He inferred the ones that looked like me were “If you want this, you’d better come and get this.” While others were relentless and made it a real job to get the men. I think some of us think we have to take matters into our own hands. Make it happen. I wonder if this occurs because of the families we come from, the way we perform on jobs, or influences from television shows where women compete for the affection of one man and fight, put each other down etc. I remember as a child reading mythology like Helen of Troy, the face who launched a thousand ships and how men competed for her hand in marriage.  I think about real stories, such as those in the Bible that illustrated how women welded their influence over men. Today, I think of the influence men have on women: the way they look, dress, and reconstruct themselves. I think of another man friend who once said, “You know women are really stronger. You don’t need to prove that. Men are here to serve you. You all just need to do is let us.” I think of my friend’s lady friend and the effort she put into that proposal and how she might be feeling maybe: sad, disappointed, rejected. I don’t know. Unrequited love is no joke.  That I do know. I hope and pray that she finds a man that will do all of the things she did for my friend. Mostly, I hope she seeks and aligns herself with what God wills for her life and receives the desires of her heart. After I finished my “A man who finds a wife finds a good thing,” sermon, my friend said, “I agree.”